After my planned home birth ended in the operating room for a non-emergent turned emergent Cesarean section, I was left in a postpartum period ripe with sadness, grief and trauma.
For nearly 18 months a chorus of “whys” played in my head, sometimes so loudly that I feared this was my new normal and at times so softly that I’d almost forget it was there. I found solace in my local ICAN support group, in addition to my therapists Mira and Kelsey, and the support from my postpartum doula, Joy. In these places I was able to begin hearing the individual “whys”.
Through my experience and the stories that had been shared with me, I began noticing the range of emotions connected to Cesareans and their notable scars. Like the rest of our bodies, our Cesarean scars hold memories and stories. I found the "noise" on the internet about what these specific scars mean- warrior, surrender, birth- to be dissonant. I found the default scar that search engines churn out- a pale pink, slightly-turned-up-on-the-ends scar on a white body- to be too “perfect”. This collection, then, is born out of my search for answers to two questions I had been wrestling with:
“Does the imagery that currently exists reflect how Cesarean scars change/heal overtime?”
“Do current narratives reflect the relationship we have with our Cesarean scars?”
I put these questions into a form and asked friends, my doulas, therapist and midwife to share in their networks. Within five days I received forty-five responses from people who were interested in exploring these questions with me. Twenty five women volunteered to be photographed and I collected over thirty reflections and birth stories.
On a Sunday afternoon in March of 2023 at Slow Road’s studio in New Brighton, MN, photographers Sarah Michelle, Whitney Renee and Gabrielle Heille captured images of the twenty five participants. As there can be an incredible amount of vulnerability and intimacy involved in photographing Cesarean scars, some women chose to bring along the people who make them shine- namely their children.
I created this project so people who have had Cesareans could see themselves reflected in one another's stories and scars and not just the default ones online or in the media. I wanted to create a space where all of the meanings we make and are making about our Cesarean scars could exist.
Together, the photographs and reflections created the Our Cesarean Scars collection. As I worked to create an exhibit that displayed the collection, I was moved by the intimacy in knowing these women by their Cesarean scars and of the trust they gave to me to be a keeper of their stories. The exhibit was on display at the Luann Dummer Center for Women from mid-April to mid-July, where countless folks had a chance to engage with this side of birth, a side that often needs longer than the 6 week check up to heal.
